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I witnessed first-hand some very self-destructive relationship behaviors that were inextricable from race, culture, and class identities.Junot Diaz’s speech is the first time I’ve even heard of the phrase “decolonial love” and it immediately resonated with me., Keynote Speech at Facing Race 2012 Over the years, I have had many friends, both hetero and LGBTQIA(lesbian, gay, trans, queer, intersex, and asexual) people of color, who practiced radical politics in their lifestyle and work but I’ve noticed a curious pattern—that they almost formed romantic relationships with socially privileged—in other words, mostly white—partners.The most visceral experience was with a close friend who inspired me to study critical social theory and philosophy.Using these terms, I articulated the issue to my family of radical POC and found out that this is a pervasive and under-addressed issue in our community.After many thought-provoking and deeply-personal conversations, I have listed five steps that reflect upon practices of dating, sex, and love that will further empower us as people of color. Think of all the reasons why you find this person attractive and how much of it has to do with their status and privilege. Maybe the object of your desire has “good taste”—in clothing, in music, in food, in books, and so on—all of which are purchased.It gave a voice to the helplessness I’ve felt for years, unable to address certain obsessive patterns of behavior from people of color I loved and respected.

So in other words, examine what the privileges of this person are in relation to who they are as a person.How passive are they in taking advantage of and perpetuating these privileges that they were born with?

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