But the realities of dating, they were telling me, meant that their race was frequently held against them. I also felt like interracial dating was becoming more accepted.
There are more college-educated black women than men. And besides, I said, why don’t you guys just date men who aren’t black?
Black men are incarcerated at six times the rate of white men, they pointed out. The response came almost in unison: It was one of those moments that takes a privilege you never realized you had and doesn’t just make it visible, it makes it huge.
It was at an Indian restaurant in Manhattan about 10 years ago when they told me.
S population, and African American men make up a slightly higher percentage of my dating history.
My friend imparted this news to the others as though she were telling them I always parked in a handicapped space.
We drank wine and talked about normal, early-20s life stuff — terrible jobs, terrible apartments, terrible dates.
Then my friend turned to her college friends, all black women, and told them I dated black men.
They looked at me and tisked in a way that was half joking, half very, very serious.It’s so hard for us to find quality black men, they told me. Wasn’t it racist for me to eliminate a possible mate based on his skin color?