I’m not always certain people make these decisions consciously, either; it may very well be an unconscious reaction or behavior, occurring “in the moment.”I wish we, as humans, wouldn’t feel the need, so often born out of fear, to play these relationship games.
But it seems that in new relationships, hurt is part and parcel of what you get. He may be more cautious than usual, and in doing so, denying any connection to his own feelings.So after considering my advice and the advice of her other friends, she thinks, Okay, I’m going to tell him how I feel. And I think I see the same kinds of feelings in him toward me too — whenever he sees me, his eyes light up and his whole demeanor changes. Wisely, because in my pretend world all of my friends are wise, she doesn’t just blurt out, “I love you! But still, it distances her somewhat from the actual meaning of the question by not putting the emotions onto her directly. To protect her own heart and to be able to keep her dignity if the answer isn’t reciprocated. Love is “terrifying” to him right now, because he can’t imagine the emotional commitment at this point in his life. Why can’t we simply be honest with people we obviously care about, even if we’re not yet sure we “love” them?