I got to ask some uncomfortable questions and what resulted were such uncomfortable shocking answers, I wished I could just get a magic eraser and blot out the conversation.
I was prepared for honesty, I just wasn’t prepared for him blaming his behaviour, emotional unavailability and his hot and cold rinse commitment-resistant behaviour on the fact that I was black, that I hadn’t prepared him for being in an interracial relationship, and that he’d had to put up with comments from friends and family.
The type where one person is in Lala Land and feels scorned, rejected, and confused by the crashing of illusions and wants to stem the feeling of rejection by getting some form of validation from the other party.
In my quest to be , I opened myself up to a very painful slap in the face that really wasn’t needed.
In fact, it won’t even be a ‘debrief’; it’ll be two ex’s touching base who talk about the relationship for a bit, acknowledge their sadness but the rightness of the decision, and then change the subject.
Do you know what type of ‘debriefs’ most people do and that I hear about?
I’m guessing this was supposed to be an explanation for hitting on my friends too…
The fact that he was an assclown was already known to me and it turned out that what I’d known up until that point was more than enough evidence of why our relationship was dead in the water.
Most people that engage in post breakup debriefs will claim it’s for closure but actually, for a lot of people it’s an opportunity to have an excuse to engage and attempt to change their mind by either persuading them and/or showing them what they’re missing.I’m frequently asked by readers whether debriefing your ex is something I consider a good idea and I’ve noticed a lot of talk about it in the comments. The only type of people who can actually have a debrief are two people in reality who treated each other pretty well the relationship and for one reason or another the relationship has broken down, but they’re on reasonable terms and are having One Last Chat to ‘clear the air’.