Two: Your “Must Not Haves” This list compliments the one above and, in fact, you may find that it is generated at the same time. Even the ambiguous will have meaning to you as you meet people.Like with your “must haves,” you may find that some of these are rather concrete and others are vague and hard to define. Two of my items on the “must not have” list were 1) cannot be dishonest (uhmm..great. ) and 2) cannot have kids or want kids (I have pretty strong feelings on this one and it’s not fair to start a relationship with someone who does not match me here). Just let that thought go like a helium balloon in the wind. Not every date you go one will be good, but every date you go one will teach you something.I loved to run and lift weights, and enjoyed the social aspect of exercise, whereas he only exercised to lose weight and even then was very private about it.I knew that I wanted someone that would join me on a run or meet me at the gym.I also wanted someone for whom fitness and exercise was a way of life, not just an opportunityto cinch in the belt a bit.
___ Dating after divorce tends to be a deliberate action, entered into consciously and tentatively after years or even decades with the same person.This can be an opportunity for you to clarify your needs and the needs of a relationship before you step out on that first date.Once you have your lists generated, keep them handy and allow them to be modified or updated as you date and meet new people. Try to enter every encounter with an open and curious mind, ready to receive the lessons to come.They are not set in stone, but they are also not be ignored, especially if you find yourself in the biochemical throes of love lust. That insufferably cute and perfect couple at the park is either in the biochemical throws of lust or has another side to their relationship that you do not see. On some dates, you might learn about someone else, some you may learn about yourself, and yet others you may learn about the intricacies of being a private pilot for a billionaire (yup, true story there).
You may be surprised to realize that there are aspects of your ex that you want again or perhaps characteristics that were not important before but are now.
For me, my ex was never a match for me physically (I’m not talking about intimacy here; we were an excellent match in the bedroom).