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I would be uncomfortable saying the things I hear people say. When I speak to Netflix I feel like I'm talking to that weird, cool 25-year-old boy neighbor who knows a lot and is always in a hoodie drinking coffee. I'm making all my friends get on a plane, rent a car and drive three hours into the Ozark Mountains. I don't understand people who have kids, get nannies and run around the world.

Bring it all down a level and you'll be a happier man." You guys did a bunch of USO shows together. You have to be conscious of every single word that comes out of your mouth. I don't particularly like any of it because I don't have the patience for it. You must have to want to be an actor to do that, and clearly I do not.

Coming from a big family and mouthing off the way I do, it wasn't easy to do. People who are not staying up to watch "The Tonight Show" because they are busy with kids could catch you in prime time. Your last special, "Madigan Again," went directly to Netflix. The networks promote the premiere date, but then you never know when it's going to air again. When I speak to the networks I feel like I'm talking to my grandparents. I went with Lew when he did a guest spot on "Big Bang Theory." We got there at 4 p.m.

Comedian Kathleen Madigan could be your wisecracking sister-in-law or the entertaining lady at the end of the bar who's full of sass. Every single day in Catholic school, a nun would write on the board: 1.) God, 2.) Others, 3.) Yourself -- then say, "Remember that order.

Her Midwestern charm takes the audience right in, allowing them to unleash those genuine belly laughs comedians fight so hard for. Ninety percent of the time my parents didn't know what I was doing and I liked it that way. That's how you live." When you see that every single day for eight years, it becomes a moral code that's installed inside of you. If you would have gotten my press kit, you would have thought I was the most accomplished comedian on the planet, and I had only been doing it for a year and a half. John Pinette was sober, losing weight and on a good track.

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