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Federline's parents divorced when he was eight years old; then he moved to Carson City, Nevada, with his mother, but returned to Fresno when he was 11.

At 11 he and his brother Chris moved to his father's house in Fresno.

Then we had a “neat party” with pizza and wrestling.

Kevin Earl Federline was born on March 21, 1978, in Fresno, California, to parents Mike and Julie (née Story), a car mechanic and former bank teller from Oregon, respectively; his surname is of German origin.

He suggested we go back to my place for some hot, sweaty… At this point I’d normally say that the story goes “off the rails,” but that kind of implies there were any rails to begin with.

Basically what happened was, I got taken to detention, which looked a lot like a jail cell, escaped through the sewer pipes, and found my way back to class. Cena told us we all had to go on a field trip, which happened to be in the sewer.

We met a large red John Cena monster, and a John Cena knight appeared out of nowhere and I helped him slay the beast.

In the ninth grade, Federline dropped out of high school (later earning a certificate of General Educational Development) and began dancing with a nonprofit organization called Dance Empowerment.

This seemed to work, and at school the following morning, I learned that the John Cena prom was coming up the next day.

Lo and behold, at the prom I ran into Johnny Cena again, as well as his date: Jane Cena.

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