After I’d started with the pick-up community, I had some successes, but so much of my self-esteem and sense of self-worth was tied up in my performance as a pick-up artist that every single woman I would talk to became a referendum on my value as a man.
I would be so focused on my immediate goal – getting her into bed – that the whole process felt mechanical; it was an if-then-else flow-chart as I tried to direct her down the path that would end with us making out in the corner of the bar before heading back to my place for 30 minutes of squishy noises followed by the awkward “does she stay the night or should I call a cab” conversation.
It can be frustrating and time-consuming and there will be dates that make you believe that the dating pool needs a Herculean dose of chlorine before you’ll ever step foot into it again.
But at the same time, it can be the women I was interested in and tended to rely on the Platonic Best Friend Backdoor Gambit as my way of trying to get laid or find relationships.
Every conversation with a woman felt like trying to make a dungeon speed run; I wanted to get through everything as quickly as possible so I could get to the end boss and find out if I was getting lucky or not that night.There were the dates that were so bad they crushed the soul, the long parade of assholes, game-players and just plain toxic individuals who would be better off buried in unmarked landfills inscribed with dire warnings to alert future generations to the dangers.Now I’ll be the first to tell you that dating is hard. They couldn’t stand it: the frustrations of trying to find the right person, the disappointment of another “close-but-no-cigar” first date that went absolutely nowhere.
Even worse were the near-misses, the people who seemed amazing but disappeared into the ether after a handful of dates, or the Crouching Stud, Hidden Douchebags who seemed great at first glance but proved to be assholes in disguise.It’s theoretically still possible, but it’s going to be more difficult by orders of magnitude because you’re going to be fighting against yourself.