The girl with the loser boyfriend who won’t get a job because it would “cut into practice time with the band” is actually saying that if he would compromise a little, they could probably realize some goals that would benefit them both equally. While career/ambition is far from the only way in which being a loser can manifest itself, it’s definitely common, and prominent.
Any woman now in her 20s and 30s was likely raised to believe that she can (and should) do well in school, get education, and then go forth into the world and make her mark.
It says something about society as a whole, in that men have never really valued drive and success as selection criteria and we’re all kind of OK with that.
Mothers instruct their daughters to find a “nice, successful boy,” but fathers high-five their sons when they bring home the prom queen.
It’s also (sadly) kind of presumed that men will settle down as they age and choose higher quality women, as though it’s a concept we as men had the good sense to invent and that the womenfolk would never figure out were it not for our guidance.
Additionally, despite tolerating men calling women all sorts of awful things for centuries, society, curiously enough, won’t stand for men referring to women as “losers” or “useless.” I’ve just never heard it.
The gist of it was that 30 is not the new 20, and that grown women really ought to be getting their sh*t together in their 20s. Don’t refuse to get a full-time job as an excuse to figure out who you are. She’s such a loser.” The more I think about why, the more depressing the can of worms becomes (and a can full of worms should be depressing enough on its own).Given that, if ambition is something that’s important to you, it would make sense that it would be something important to your partner as well. No, the last part, the thing about dating “losers.” It’s a testament to just how useless TED talks are, because people have been telling women that their boyfriends are losers forever. Men are expected to have a sense of direction and ambition more or less from birth, so much so that most women will list “ambition” right under “sense of humor” on a list of vague qualities they seek out in a romantic partner.
Were someone to call a woman a “loser” for being, say, a career grad student or some kind of lowbrow service professional, I feel it would be met with cries of “Hey, at least she’s trying! ” Of course, the joke’s on them, because justifying someone’s career choice undermines that person’s freedom of choice, and chastising one group for judging another while encouraging the same thing among your own group is the very opposite of equality.Unfashionable as it may be, I’m going to go ahead and say that, in 2013, men need to stop dating losers. When women deride a man as being a “useless loser,” what they really seem to be complaining about is someone who blindly, uncompromisingly places his own prerogatives above all else, often at the expense of others.