Lynn said, “There will be obstacles to overcome in any relationship and ours is no different. But, I am able to think of that as my past, as Chapter 1 in my book of life. She went on hundreds of dates, never able to commit to someone and never feeling better. She said, “It wasn’t until Stitch that I realized that what was missing from my life wasn’t a man. Having these women in my life has magically brought me back to my youth.As a recent divorcee, he had begun a new relationship with a widow and at the time they dated, thought that he had finally found “the one.” He felt like his ex-wife was never really his soul mate and that his soul mate was still out there, and it was Terry (also a fake name to protect identities).Unfortunately, as the months passed, Howard realized that Terry didn’t consider him her soul mate. She even called out her late husband’s name during intimate moments with Howard. Howard knew he would never live up to the memory of Terry’s late husband and didn’t feel he could continue when they didn’t both think they had found their soul mate.At Stitch, many of our members are either widowed or divorced, which brings new challenges to finding a partner later in life.It’s an unchosen label that both connects them to others that have experienced the same trauma, but also makes them feel as if a world made for couples has thrown them aside. But should widowers and widows dating divorcees have to worry about their relationship? And if divorced, should they only date other divorcees?
As a result, the question has been asked: Should you be dating a widower as a divorcee, and visa-versa?
For one member who has recently come out of a relationship (we’ll call him “Howard” since he did not want his name to be shared), said that it’s not something that he would be willing to do again.
We’re always incredibly touched by the stories we hear and think it’s wonderful that both are taking steps to seek companionship.
However, some bumps along the process could possibly be avoided by not “crossing the border” from widow to divorcee.
He said, “I’ll never date a widow again.” That’s just one story. It’s been a long time since I felt this way.”Another Stitch member, “Deborah,” who is both a divorcee and widow, shared with us that she has felt a gaping hole in her life for decades.For another couple who met on Stitch (she a divorcee named “Lynn” and he a widower named “Paul”) the question of whether they would be compatible because of their different losses never came up. Maybe we cry for different reasons, but having a shoulder to cry on, someone I love, it doesn’t matter about how we got there, just that we found each other now.”Paul said, “Of course I miss my wife and yes she was my soul mate. She and I have built a new life together and every day I’m grateful to Stitch for leading me to her. Such a mix of different trauma and pain led her to feel that the only way to feel right again was to find another husband.