” Read on to learn the signs of emotional self-sabotage and positive ways to snap out of it!One thing to keep in mind is that divorce is a process with a whole slew of feelings attached.Botwinick says bitters are more likely to say things like “Why did this happen to me? “‘It’s all your fault’ is just angry-speak,” says Botwinick.’ and “My ex owes me this, my ex owes me that,” or “This is unfair.” Bitters are blamers. “Taking responsibility for part of this relationship’s demise — abusive situations excluded — is a huge part of healing.” When you can start looking not just at your ex but also at yourself and asking, ‘How can I do better next time?“Try to keep moving forward, but know that the progression may not be perfectly linear all the time... Botwinick calls these two groups the “bitters” and the “sweets.” Sweets tend to start sentences with statements like “Yes, this is unfair and there are things in my life right now that are not good, but what am I going to do?it may be more like two steps forward, one step back.” The difference between people who stay stuck and those who don’t however, is that for people who are steadily healing, these little relapses are just that… I’ve got to start taking steps to go forward.” On the flip side, the bitters are too blinded by their anger to see a way out. Have you been honest with your end of things (because even if the other person did the “dirty deed” that ended the relationship, it still takes two to tango)?So some bitterness is completely normal and even desirable (in other words, staying totally cheery all the time — a.k.a. It’s when a person doesn’t explore a full range of emotions and stays stagnant in one phase that problems start.
“After my own divorce, I tried to hide my anger, but people are like animals and they can sense it even if you’re pretending things are fine,” says Botwinick.“When you’re stuck, you repel others and attract more ‘yuck’ into your life.”So how do you know if you’ve become “Bitter, party of one?