As a bisexual woman myself, I can’t deny that something about this stereotype that rings true; bi women do seem to romantically engage, or “end up” with men far more often than with woman.
But is this really because we prefer a life of white-picket simplicity and comfort?
This socialization has immediate implications for all queer romance, but presents an even greater obstacle for a potential lesbian and bisexual pairing, as illustrated by the following quote from a very good friend of mine (who’s also a bi woman): “Honestly, I don’t even like men all that much. But they make me feel wanted and desired in a way that very few women ever do.
Even when a particular girl is gay and says she’s into me, it’s like pulling teeth just to get her to flirt with me or make a move…” One of the most pervasive challenges I’ve experienced with dating after I transitioned has been maintaining the interest of cisgender bisexual women without having to perform romance in the same heteronormative manner I’d been taught back when I lived as a boy.
Within every lesbian community there exists a tale as old as time, a proverb as common as it is contentious: Bi women cheat, betray, and ultimately leave—never for another woman, but for a man.
Like many stereotypes, the lived experiences of one group have almost certainly colored the perceptions of another, however unfairly or inaccurately.
In this situation, if I approach romance even slightly more passively, or deviate from heteronormative standard practice in any way, the momentum between us fizzles out in a hurry.
Consequently, girls learn to define romance as a noun—a subjective experience brought about by a man’s actions.
Boys, on the other hand, learn to define romance as a verb—something they must actively do to earn a girl’s affections.
I spent the first two decades of my life living as a closeted trans woman—a bisexual male to the outside world. I have since transitioned, and now live as a bisexual woman.From an early age boys and girls are taught that relationships are successfully obtained by performing “complementary” roles of cat and mouse, pursuer and pursued, the actor and the acted-upon.