This hurts as much or more than what fish must feel.
Intimacy is offered, but as soon as you’re reeled in, it’s pulled away.
Worse, you’re often questioned for being unreasonable in your desire for closeness.
Since we’re all human, and almost all humans need some degree of emotional and sexual connection, these folks tend to ramp up the appearance of intimacy right away—but then fail on the follow-through.
The intimacy bait & switch looks like this: You start dating, and the other person is excited about you. You each share a lot of details about yourselves very quickly, including getting sexual very soon in the relationship.
He doesn’t talk about how he feels, he doesn’t say I love you, and on December 3rd, it will be a year.
And THAT is what is killing me.” I don’t know Anne or her boyfriend except through letters. Intimacy is sharing everything about yourself without fearing you’ll lose your identity.
So when you need more than they counted on, you become the bad person.
You didn’t switch desires and expectations; they did. And then — once you got hooked — they didn’t deliver.
They then clam up, or suddenly want to see you less, or want to be intimate but not share anything emotional.
They might begin calling you names like “needy” or “controlling” or “selfish.” Their emotional bar is low, and their needs are quickly over-met.
Obviously, this implies that you need to know who you are, so you have something to share. It would be foolish to share everything about ourselves with random people right away; it would be downright unsafe with some of them.Yet there are people who are too afraid or independent to gradually unfold into a safe, loving bond.