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Like everyone else I grapple with that weird wrestling match between who I am (a superficial jerk who makes assumptions based only on pixels, apparently) and who I feel I ought to be (an enlightened gentlemen).Everyone’s smiling and happy, having fun with lots of friends – often while travelling – showing some skin, and holding a cocktail, pet, pal or instrument.Sometimes, after clicking on hundreds of photos, I begin to see patterns emerging (my male friends admit to having similar observations).

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Her face was obscured behind curly blonde hair and oversized sunglasses. In that one I’m standing barefoot in my living room, wearing a T-shirt and jeans, as I do almost every day.The photos led me to believe she was upbeat, stylish and fun. “I thought that photo of you was so funny,” she told me.“Ah, the skeleton…” I said. I picked it because it felt the most like me (and yes, it was taken in that too-brief period during which I was doing lots of push-ups). All that time I had been so busy overthinking everyone else’s photos, that I hadn’t even taken a second look at my own.In reality, I’ve found that my impressions of a woman’s photos only sometimes match up with her personality.The one with the big smile turns out to be depressed; the one with the scowl turns out to be lovely.

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As a child, Mum taught me not to make judgments based solely on appearances… This is because it’s human nature and also because the words people use to describe themselves – laid-back, fun-loving, etc – all blur together, while photos can trigger an instant reaction: cool, hot, scary obnoxious, adorable. However, on a dating site I’m not seeing someone as she naturally exists: I’m seeing the pic that she picked. The majority of women’s online dating pictures make them seem awesome.

On a dating site, the first, second and third things everyone looks at – whether male or female, but probably especially if you’re male – are the photos. Just like in real life, I see someone and can’t help but feel attracted to her or not – and often I’ll even imagine an entire story: A voice, a personality, a date, sex, a life together – based on nothing but a blurry selfie.

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