All superficial communication feels like punishment.2. Just don't be surprised if we're on the other end giving the phone side-eye and waiting for it to go to voicemail.3. If your instinct is to just send text messages that you're waiting for a response causes us anxiety. BTW, this is what we mean when we respond with, "Sorry, have plans already! Just because we need quiet time doesn't mean we expect you to do the same. Just don't try to force us when we don't want to, and don't make us feel bad about it.
Still, there are some pretty undeniable things that come along with being in a partnership like this. However, I am a great girlfriend so I will go to this horrible-sounding trivia night with you. He, on the other hand, walks up to a garden hose and is like, "You should be my best man some day," and the hose is like, "You're a great guy. When you try to tell him you need time alone and he looks at you like you're breaking up with him. Bye." But for you, it's a vital part of you recharging your batteries.
Eventually he'll realize this of course, but every time you need to take it, he'll still kind of wonder if you're mad at him. Wanting to murder him when he tells you that you think too much. Or really any other implication that you should be more like him. When you go to a party together and you feel like you're holding him back from having fun. Being able to balance each other out when you both desperately need that.
We prefer deep conversations over small talk, which feels insincere. That "rule" about dating, where you're supposed to call after three days? A phone call is intrusive, it interrupts us and catches us off-guard, and it is often filled with unnecessary small talk. It's not that we don't like going out — we love it!
This is how we form lasting bonds with others: one-on-one and through personally meaningful conversation. Or how people will say that, in dating, calling is preferable to texting because it's more personal or thoughtful or whatever? If you call, please have a reason for doing so and get to it quickly. We just have to be mentally prepared for it, and if we have spent all day assuming our evening would consist of pizza delivery and Netflix bingeing, then that is what we are doing. But we're not unreasonable: If you want to go out when we don't, by all means, go out!
How does he not know that if anything, he should be more like you? Most social events are just you being like, "Leave me here by the chips and I'll see you when you're done." But of course he's super sweet so he's like, "No, no. Having people ask how you guys make it work and being like, "IDK." It's weird to hear someone say, "I don't know how you guys are a couple" and kind of agree with them. Sure, you might not make sense on the surface, but when he's super exhausted, you know exactly how to help him relax. When he feels weird because you're so quiet around his friends and family. When he drags you out to some dumb event you didn't want to go to and you actually have fun.
I'll hang with you until you feel like being social." And then you have to remind him that could be "in two years" and it's best to just go on without you. Trying to get to know all of his friends is like trying to become friends with everyone on Instagram. Plus, who has the emotional energy to try to tell his 17 work friends apart? It's not that you don't love him, but you'll always know that on paper you don't make sense. And when you're being a cagey, shut-in weirdo, he knows just the right amount of social stimuli to expose you to. And then you feel guilty for, oh I don't know, being the person he's always known you to be. And then you basically love him for all of life for this reason.
Being in love with a guy who is the Andy to your April is no easy task.
But you still love it because this is the person your heart chose. Staring at him with laser beams in your eyes every time he asks you if you want to go out. I would almost always rather stay inside and you know this. Every time you want to do something together, it's like A Whole Thing. Example: "OK, I'll go to your work dinner with you tonight, but then you have to promise me we can stay on the couch all day Saturday. Watching them instantly connect with everyone in the room like they're an alien. It takes you 20 one-on-one conversations to find someone you feel connected to, and by the end, you're tired.